Eerie, Arizona, A song by Christopher Leeson

 

Posted 4-6-25

Revised 4-25-25

 NOTE: Several Eerie, Arizona stories are posted here at TFTGS; others will be found at Fictionmania and Big Closet.  Go to the bottom of this article for an extra feature.

 

EERIE, ARIZONA, A Song

By Christopher Leeson

 

 

Chorus: 

Gather 'round and hear a story

Of justice strange and statutory

In the southwest territory,

Eerie, Arizona!

 

 

 

What do they do with their owlhooters?

Some are killers, all are looters!

How do they handle rude freebooters,

Eerie, Arizona?

 

Turn them into gals with angel faces.

Put them in stays with whalebone braces;

Teach them to walk with lady's graces,

Eerie, Arizona! 

 

 

 

 

 

Chorus:

Dance, my pretty one, I do love thee,

More than all the stars above me.

You own my heart, so why not love me,

Eerie, Arizona?

 

 

 

 

 

How d'ya tame them? They're plum crazy!

How d'ya stop them being lazy? 

Or make them sweeter than a daisy?

Eerie, Arizona!  

Ride 'em like broncos till they're broken.

Stop their cussing, spitting, smoking!

Soap and scrub them till their soaken,

Eerie, Arizona!
 

 

 

Chorus:

A gal can change when she's love-bitten.

Wild cats become like kittens,

Warmer than a pair of mittens,

Eerie, Arizona!

 

 

 

 

 

 Jane's the one I find best looking;

Love her laughter, love her cooking!

 She's got stays that need unhooking,

 Eerie, Arizona! 

 

My Jane's soul is warm and tender.

When she's troubled, I defend her!

 She likes the place where I can send her,

Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:

Speak of love, my fair-haired beauty.

Flash me smiles; don't be moody.

I need your lips, so fresh and fruity,

Eerie, Arizona! 

 

 

 

 

 

  

I'm for the one that they call Jessie;

 She makes trouble, things get messy.

 I adore her hair so tressy,

 Eerie, Arizona! 

 

 Jessie is Shamus' canary,

 But she's sly and so contrary.

 Bless the man she'll take to marry,

 Eerie, Arizona!  

 

 

Chorus:

Hey there, girlie, let's be wedded;

We'll change your name before you're bedded.

Our youngsters all will be towheaded,

Eerie, Arizona!

 At Shamus' place, Bridget's the dealer.

 She's been hurt, but love can heal her.

 Cuss the card sharks who would steal her,

 Eerie, Arizona!

 

Bridget knows the rules of Hoyle.

 As a friend, she's always loyal!

 For that gal I'd work and toil,

 Eerie, Arizona!

 

Chorus: 

Cuddle up, belle, and call me "dearest."

Speak your whims, even the merest.

Say dirty words, no one can hear us,

Eerie, Arizona! 

 

 Laura was the first gal married.

 When to bedroom she was carried,

 Her outlaw days were dead and buried,

 Eerie, Arizona!

  

 I like Laura's strength and stature;

 No one but me can ever match her.

 Where she itches, I can scratch her,

 Eerie, Arizona!

 

Chorus:

Love me true and I'll be faithful.

Let's not fight, or say things hateful.

Life is sweet; we should be grateful,

Eerie, Arizona!  

It's Maggie who most stirs my passion,

An icon dressed in Spanish fashion.

I love the way she cooks my ration.

Eerie, Arizona. 

 

Maggie's nature's soft as butter.

Once a pa, she's now a mother.

Her tender voice makes hard hearts flutter,

Eerie, Arizona.  

 

 Cat House Wilma, hot and purdy,

 Thrills men like a hurdy-gurdy.

 She breaks hearts, but mine is sturdy,

 Eerie, Arizona!

 Wilma wears what's scant and naughty;

 In men's arms she's always bawdy.

 Her promises aren't worth a zloty, 

 Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:

Shamus' girls are like no others,

Nuggets like those found at Sutter's.

The way they love hard will make them mothers, 

Eerie, Arizona!

 

End

EXTRA FEATURE

 

The poem above was written before some new potion girls made their debut in our stories. Here we are presenting a picture of each, with a brief description:

 

 

Elmer O'Hanlan was a school boy injured by a runaway wagon. His wounds would have been fatal except that Shamus O'Toole saved him by mean of the magic potion. His mother called her new daughter Emma. Emma hated her fate, but as time went on, she started to feel her girlhood strongly. An excellent student, Emma graduated early and became a surveyor's helper.
 

Patrick O'Hanlan was Elmer's father.   When the boy refused to take the magic potion, his father pretended to take the potion with her. This ruse led to disaster when the strong medicine started Pat choking and he swallowed the dose. He took the form of a beautiful cigar box card model who had a man-hungry look. Pat received not only her appearance, but also the cigar girl's promiscuous ways.

Arnaldo Diaz was a sad sack of a boy damaged by his father's early death. He was heading for an empty life of idle drunkenness when he drank from a bottle of Shamus' magic potion, mistaking it for whiskey. He became the image of his favorite girl, the Virgin Mary. 

Arnoldo adopted the name of Annie. By some strange chemistry, his attitude toward life improved in girlhood, especially after meeting a handsome boy from a good family.

 

Forry Stafford was the spoiled son of a land baron of East Texas. In childhood, he became a bully who liked tormenting Will and Jesse Hanks. Jesse drifted away, but Forry made life hard for Will. When a threat arose from Eerie, Forry was sent West to deal with it. He ambushed the enemy, but was captured by the law. Forry and his accomplice were sentenced to take the magic potion. Forry became Flora and Shamus had both rascals trained to be cancan girls.

Leland Saunders was a poor Texas white doing dirty jobs for the sinister Staffords. He joined Forry's ambush plot, but was arrested and sentenced to receive the magic potion. But because Leland had an erotic fixation on black girls, his female form was black. Renamed "Lilah," she was trained to be a cancan dancer, one who developed a strong attraction for black men. 

Myron Caldwell was an Eerie area farm boy traumatized by the sudden death of his parents. Embittered, he became a delinquent who ran away at 16 to join an outlaw gang. He led the gang back to rob the Eerie stage, but was shot. Bleeding, he made his way to his aunt's house. She took him to the doctor, who saw that nothing could save the boy's life except the magic potion. Myron took the shape of the cancan girl he knew in Yuma. Myron's aunt gave her new niece the name of Myra.